if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize