okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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