dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Farmville is her only friend.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
