If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
