It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
