this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
