drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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