Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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