My Higher Power is John Stamos
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize