She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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