O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
