I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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