Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
