i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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