Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
