I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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