are you so shy because you have an std?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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