I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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