his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
