New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
