is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
