saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
