i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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