I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
