bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
