what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
