I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
