Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
