i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
