I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
