Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
