Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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