"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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