Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
