Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
bring money and cleavage
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
