Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
