We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
