Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
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