thus making me awesome and them whores
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
