I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
