you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
