If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
