stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
