We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize