You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
