There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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