how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You pole danced in your parka.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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