i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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