I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
