he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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