im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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