Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
