I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
