In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
