I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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