The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
