Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hippo gnu deer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i've created a new STD.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
