I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
