Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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