new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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