I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
