i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
