drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
