So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
