I like to think it a success when the cops are called
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
