just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
