i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize