i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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