I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i believe in u and ur pee
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
