Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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