i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
