Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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