Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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