she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
