Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
