Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
