If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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