Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize