The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
