but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
