Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
