This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
