i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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