If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
