There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
