my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
