Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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