Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
