A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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