It's Friday. Sex?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
