he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
