and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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