just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
