dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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