I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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