Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
