you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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