My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
