11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
