we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
