Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize