he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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