I hate your face
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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