I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
