they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
