i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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