On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
