She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
