Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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